New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The power of my boobs compel you
Dicks are not precious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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