why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
