It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
