I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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