ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
