When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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