I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
