Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
