Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
