So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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