I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
