We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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