Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
