A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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