Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
