Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
