Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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