Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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