everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
