just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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