i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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