when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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