What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
