the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
