Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
