I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
