some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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