Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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