Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you traded sex for a burrito?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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