Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
