Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
