Whod you bang
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
