we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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