My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
