Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
