My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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