i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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