Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You took a bar mat shot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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