im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
