I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
