Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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