I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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