What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
