If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
