Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
