I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
