Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
