1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
