Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
