i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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