the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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