Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
