I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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