So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
