My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
