that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
