Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bring money and cleavage
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
