I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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