your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
