You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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