we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
