Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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