Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
